Monday, April 17, 2006

Humor: Can you tell Africans apart?

I have written a bit too much about the sad and serious in Africa. Today, I want to share something lighter, that I received by email (and modified a bit):
How to tell one African from another

It comes as something of a surprise to many Africans to discover that all Africans look the same to non-Africans.

How do you tell a Nigerian from a Kenyan, for example; and I am not talking about passports or clothing? Well the easiest way, of course, is the name: For example Ogunkoye can only be a Nigerian and Njoroge from Kenya. And so where do the Dunns come from? They are certainly from Liberia or Sierra Leone. Mambu, Tshimbalanga or Ilunga? Definitely Congo(s), Angola or Zambia. Nhlanhla or Rolihlahla? Most likely Swaziland or South Africa. Chances are, Alaoui will be from Morroco, or maybe Algeria. And people, Duplessis is not just French, it is also South African...

Surely, everybody knows that the loud and cocky ones are the West Africans; the brooding and sly ones are the North and Southern Africans respectively; the East Africans always say yes, even when they disagree with you violently; the Central Africans are unnecessarily proud of their oil, gold and diamonds... and everything.

To be more specific
  • the Cameronians will borrow money from you to buy Champagne; whilst the Ghanaians think they invented politics.
  • The Congolese think they have the best music and the best dancers; the Nigerians have a ! thing about clothes.
  • the Ethiopians believe they have the most beautiful women on God's earth, and so do the Rwandans.
  • Moroccans actually think they're French, and so do the Burkinabes. Algerians just hate the French;
  • Sierra Leonians simply smile profusely; and Liberians can't get over America.
All East and Southern African countries have the same national anthem, but the South Africans sing it the best.

The Southern Africans have no hair; the Zambians and Kenyans have prominent foreheads; the West Africans have short memories and never learn from their mistakes; the concept of order and discipline must have been invented in East Africa; the words don't exist in West Africa - especially in Nigeria - and they are selectively understood in Central Africa.

When a cabinet minister is "caught with his hands in the till," he commits suicide in Southern Africa; in West Africa he's promoted after the next coup d'etat; in Central Africa he is the author of the coup.

In athletics, the divisions are quite simple: from 800m to the marathon the East Africans hold sway; the West Africans are only good at the sprints; and South Africans can only sing. But when it comes to football (soc! cer), the North, West and Central Africans dominate the lesser-skilled East
and South Africans.

See, it is sooo easy to tell us apart, so get to work!


Brian said...

"Moroccans actually think they're French, and so do the Burkinabes. Algerians just hate the French;"

Maybe this explains why the Algerians and the Moroccans hate each other! :-)

arashi said...

Thanks for sharing. I always thought that Africans are all the same and now with this guide I can now identify the countries people come from! :P

Michoko said...

I agree with many distinctive points. Would be interested to have a list of the physical differences too cause they are also very present.
I don't agree though with the quotes about algerian and moroccans .... must be my lack of humour ;)

Donate to The Salon

Help us continue to do this important work of promoting freedom of expression about the Congo.

Explore The Salon